Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
