We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
