This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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