He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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