But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
