Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
