good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
