My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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