You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
