I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This is classic penis vs brain.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
