he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
