im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
