we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
