and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
