Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
