sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
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