They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
