this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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