if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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