I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
