Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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