I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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