I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wish you could order shots online.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
