what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
