I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
