What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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