If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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