he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
