No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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