hotel room ftw
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
