Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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