Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
