even my farts smell like vagina
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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