I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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