YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
