my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
