I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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