apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
