you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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