There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
