I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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