Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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