Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
