8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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