I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
