i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
