Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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