Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
