i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
