Will you blow on my dice?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
