The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My cat gives me a boner
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
